Miscellaneous Thoughts

I am five days into my 3rd round of chemo.  It seems like this round has been pretty hard on my stomach.  I suppose I feel that way every time though.  The thought of doing a 4th round is quite nauseating.  At least I didn't break out near as badly this time.  Dr. McMullen had my steroids cut in half and I can definitely tell the difference.

I went to the Scotts Valley fireworks tonight.  I didn't really want to go because I have been feeling so poorly, but I am glad I went.  As I sat there watching the sky light up, I felt content and blessed to be there.  It warmed my heart to listen to the children scream with delight and "ooh" and "aww" over each firework.  The adults too.  Fireworks are a traditional part of our community, uniting us together.

My heart has been heavy for the past several months for those that hurt around me.  There is so much pain and ugliness in this world.  And it is not physical pain, but emotional pain.  Many times I feel that my cancer is nothing compared to what others are going through.  My cancer is just a physical ailment.  I am happy.  I have an adoring husband who provides for my every need.  I have a wonderful son and daughter who make me very proud to be their mother.  I have a home, can go on vacations, and am so blessed to have very good friends.  What more could I ask for?  There are so many people around me who are broken. They have broken marriages and families, addictions, abuse, and emotional pain that is devastating.  To me, these things are worse than cancer.  They ARE cancer.  They eat away at one's spirit and destroy relationships.  Pain in the body can be managed, but pain in one's spirit is devastating.  It truly breaks my heart.