It's been a rough start to the new year already. My good friend was in a serious car accident on Friday. She is going to be OK, but she has a long recovery ahead of her. I spent the weekend at the hospital holding her hand in the ICU and trying to give her some comfort and support. This happened a couple of days after another friend of mine told me her husband was just re-diagnosed with yet another form of cancer. It's barely been one year since his last cancer. Life is so fragile. So uncertain. You just never know what is going to happen. There are no certainties, no guarantees. I am now waiting for results of my cancer. Did the chemo and radiation do its job? Is the cancer in remission? Is it gone forever? I won't have a CT for another month, maybe two. Even then, if the Dr. tells me there is no more cancer, whose to say it won't come back later? Next year, a few years, several years? There are no guarantees. I have been trying to process all of this lately, as well as, now what? Where do I go from here? What do I do with my life now? What are the important things out of life for me right now? My family #1 for sure. How do I dream of my future when I don't know if I have one? There are no guarantees. I have to live in the now. One day at a time. To live each day to its fullest and to live it the best that I can because God has given this day to me. I want what's left of my life to count for something. I want to know God's will for me and do it.
What a morbid blog tonight! But there is so much going on in my head right now, that I have to process it. Life is a gift. I want to treasure each day, each minute. I don't want to waste a second of it. Thank you God for giving me life. Thank You for my family. Thank You for my friends.
On a lighter note, I am feeling better and stronger. I went back to kickboxing last week and am ready to start running again. Yeah! :) The hair that I do have has been growing. I am still waiting for the hairs that fell out to start growing again. I am still experiencing some effects from chemo. I have been told it will take a good six months or so for my body to be rid of it. Besides the hot flashes, I have been having very sensitive skin that started the day after Christmas. It started on my chest and back and has traveled into my arm pits and down the back of my arms. It's uncomfortable to touch my skin, and when I get cold I feel like I have pins and needles poking me. It's very odd. It's not uncommon though, and will eventually go away. I am ready to do everything that I can to make my body strong again!
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