The only way that I have been able to cope with finding out that I have cancer is to take one day at a time. Those first couple of weeks that were so hard, I would literally wake up and start singing to myself, "One day at a time sweet Jesus, that's all that I am asking of You." I still think this way. It does me no good to dwell on yesterday or what tomorrow may bring. I am determined to focus on now. I will get too frightened if I start thinking about what the future could or does hold. I tend to fear the unknown. So I just take one step at a time, and trust that God is going to get me through. My spiritual gift is Faith, and I praise God for that because I need a lot of it right now. I have already experienced a lot of peace going through this ordeal. I attribute a lot of that peace to the many many people who have been diligently praying for me. I have been so overwhelmed by the support I am getting from my family and friends. You all mean so much to me! I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your encouragement, your prayers, your emails to me, and the physical things you are doing to help me. I don't know how people can go through an illness without that kind of support. They must feel so alone and depressed. It amazes me how each person has stepped up in their own unique way to support and encourage me. I am seeing how God gives every single one of us a unique personality and ability to attribute encouragement in their own way!
I trust God with my life completely. What ever happens to me, is His plan. I also believe that His purpose for me going through this cancer is because good is going to come out of it. I don't know what. But God does. Believe me though, I have had my moments of doubt. Before my treatments started, many people were praying that God would miracoulously heal me. I was praying that God would heal me. What a testimony that would be! I also did not want to go down this road of poisoning my body with chemo. So I prayed and others prayed. I had a man lay hands on me that was himself healed and he prayed for me. I had prayer groups pray over me. I went to my dad's church and had his pastor annoint me with oil and prayed over me. Then two days after the annointing with oil prayer, I found out through my CT scan that, no, I was not healed. The cancer is still there, and I would be starting chemo and radiation the next week. What a downer! I was woken up to the fact that yes, I really do have to go down this road. I then felt such anger! For two days I was so very angry! Why didn't God choose to heal me? Why would He let me go down this road? "I mean really God, what good is going to come out of having to go through the process of poisoning my body? And what good to others is going to come out of it? Wouldn't it be better for everyone to see your miraculous power?" Anger is such a strong emotion. It's one that I knew that I could not keep experiencing. Anger is so detrimental to the body. I asked a friend of mine to pray for me because I could not do it and to pray that it would pass quickly. It did. The anger left. My faith overtook my emotions again. God is such a generous God. He knows my heart. He knows my human feelings. He knows why this is happening. And we cannot understand how God works. The doctors are going for a cure using treatment. God can cure me through it. One day at a time sweet Jesus.
Naomi,
ReplyDeleteIn it's own strange way, God is already showing himself through you, because of this. Us, who may have slipped and "forgot" about God, you are reminding us. Seeing you be so strong, even though you may have a few melt downs, you are STRONG. I thank God for you and opening up my eyes, that sometimes when we complain about things - they are so trivial compared to what you are going through. It reminds me to be thankful for the simple things in life. Like my children, family and friends. Oh and that sometimes, just when I begin to lose faith in people and think everyone is just so selfish, I see you and it reminds me - that there are wonderful, amazing people out there.
I didn't write that very eloquently, or get the point i was trying to make across very well....but thank you for being you, opening my eyes and even though this isn't the best time, it's awesome to reconnect with you!!
Thank you Shawna. That was written beautifully! Cancer has definitely made me take a good look at my own life. How can it not? It changes everything, and it does make us focus on what is important. My life has been forever changed. Even after this is all over, my life will still never be what it was.
ReplyDeleteNaomi, your post was incredibly inspiring. Thank you for sharing with me, and all of us, your faith and strength in God. He is already using this storm for good because you are ministering and teaching all of us! I love your authenticity and frustration but yet profound faith and courage at the same time. I know you never pray to be the one who gets to be the one God raises up in the midst of a mighty trial, but let me assure you, you are having an incredible impact on many many people around you. Praise God for your strength, courage and faith in the face of fear!
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